


A Thousand Miles Seems Pretty Far

by gluupor



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Miscommunication, Post-Canon, Valentine's Day date
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-29 18:05:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17812847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gluupor/pseuds/gluupor
Summary: Long distance relationships are hard.Or, everybody sucks at communication sometimes.





	A Thousand Miles Seems Pretty Far

**Author's Note:**

  * For [seamanthedog](https://archiveofourown.org/users/seamanthedog/gifts).



> This is my Valentine's Day Exchange gift for hunkitup. From your prompts I chose: andreil, post-canon, angst due to a relationship not working out, and an awful Valentine's Day date that ends sweetly.
> 
> Hope you like it!
> 
> A note about the date: assuming that AFTG took place in 2006-2007, this fic occurs in 2011.

There were many things to like about Boston. Anonymity for one: with four other more popular professional sports teams, no one cared about the exy team's rookie goalkeeper, which was a welcome change. In Andrew's last few years at Palmetto he hadn't been able to go anywhere without being recognized. It was also nice living in a blue state rather than a red one, not that he ever displayed his sexuality. But he _could_ kiss Neil in public if he wanted to without having to defend them from homophobes. Although Massachusetts _did_ have much stricter concealed weapon laws than South Carolina did.

There were other negatives as well, such as it seemed like the street layout had actually been designed by horses and not by people capable of rational thought. There was also winter, which had been a big shock to Andrew's system. He'd found Columbia's winters bad enough for a boy who'd only ever lived in the Bay area, but Boston's had snow: feet and feet of snow, and wind that seemed to come directly from the north pole. He didn't understand how people willingly put up with this year in and year out; by December he'd already been on the verge of calling it quits and hibernating until spring.

The worst thing about Boston, though he'd never admit it to anyone who wasn't his therapist (her name was Amy and he'd found her with help from Bee), was that everyone he cared for was far away.

Aaron was in Minnesota (also complaining about winter) at the Mayo Clinic's medical school, Nicky was in Germany with Erik (although he spent as much time as ever messaging Andrew), Kevin was in Houston with his own professional team.

And Neil was still in Palmetto.

Andrew had long given up denying that Neil meant something to him, but he still didn't like to discuss or show exactly how much he felt for Neil. Deep down he knew that Neil was it for him; he wouldn't ever find anyone else who understood him so completely and even if he did he'd never again lower his defenses to let them in, especially if what he had with Neil fell apart.

Which was a problem because as far as he could tell his 'nothing' with Neil was in the middle of self-destructing.

Before Nicky had left he'd earnestly sat the two of them down to, quote, 'gift their uncommunicative asses with the dos and don'ts of maintaining a long distance relationship because they wouldn't be able to only communicate through intense staring anymore'. Andrew now thought he should have listened.

At first it hadn't been too bad. He'd missed Neil more than he'd thought possible, but Neil had called him almost every day. Andrew never spoke much, not wanting to admit how lonely he was. It hadn't seemed to matter; Neil spoke enough for both of them, mostly about the Foxes. His familiar ramblings about exy strategy soothed something in Andrew, making him feel safe and at home in his too-empty apartment.

As time went on the calls became less frequent and they were far shorter. Andrew understood. Neil was busy; he was balancing his last year of college, captaining the Foxes, and dealing with scouts. Still, he'd called after every single one of his own or Andrew's games to rehash what had happened. The first time he'd missed a call, Andrew had considered calling him instead, but he assumed that Neil was too busy to talk. The next time they spoke, neither of them had mentioned the missed call.

Neil had spent two weeks with him over the Christmas break; Andrew still had practice almost every day but the rest of the time they spent together. Andrew made sure he didn't act too eager or too happy to see Neil, not wanted to tip him off about his struggle to adjust to being alone. Everything else seemed almost normal between them, although there was something he couldn't quite put his finger on that made him uneasy. He had the sinking feeling that Neil was keeping something from him.

They'd only had sex once throughout the entire two week period; that, in itself, wasn't particularly strange— Neil's demisexuality made his sex drive hit-and-miss. Sometimes he went months without wanting anything more than kissing. Andrew didn't really understand Neil's sexuality but was aware that it was directly linked to how much he trusted someone. It had occurred to Andrew in January, once Neil had gone back to Palmetto and started calling only infrequently, that maybe Neil's lack of desire was indicative of his dwindling interest in Andrew.

In early February, the Foxes had been eliminated in the second round of the playoffs. Andrew had tried to call Neil after their final loss, but his repeated calls had gone unanswered until Robin picked up to tell him that the team had gone out drinking. She said that Neil was drunk and passed out and assured him that she was taking care of him and that he didn't need Andrew for anything. It bothered Andrew more than he expected. It reminded him of being six years old and thinking he needed something to set him apart so that his new foster family might keep him. He knew what Neil needed from him and if he couldn't offer Neil protection and someone to lean on, then why would Neil still want him?

These thoughts had plagued him for the two weeks since then. He tried to hide these thoughts from Amy during their session, but she was shrewd and had no patience for his bullshit. She'd been prodding him to talk to Neil for months now, something which he was resisting. If he spoke with Neil about his suspicions there was a chance that Neil would tell him that he was correct and leave him. Andrew did not like change. He was going to hold on to what he had until it was pried from his resisting fingertips.

When he arrived back at his apartment following his therapy appointment, Neil was sitting outside his door, his duffel beside him.

"Why are you here?" asked Andrew, coming to a stop several feet away. Neil was a full three weeks early for his planned spring break visit.

"I wanted to see you," said Neil, getting to his feet.

"No, why are you in the hallway? You have a key," Andrew pointed out, still keeping his distance until he understood why Neil was here.

Neil shrugged. "It didn't feel right to be in there without your knowledge."

Andrew knew then that Neil had come to break up with him. He hadn't used the key that Andrew had given him; he didn't feel comfortable in Andrew's place anymore. Well, Andrew had no intention of making it easy for him.

"I don't have enough to feed you dinner," he said, unlocking his door. Neil didn't move to touch him.

"No, that's okay," said Neil. "I thought we could go out? I made reservations. Somewhere called… Deuxave?" He read the name off his phone.

Andrew wrinkled his brow. That was a very expensive, romantic restaurant. He had no idea why Neil wanted to go there. Something that Reynolds had once said sprung to mind.

"If you have to break someone's heart, do it at a fancy restaurant," she'd said, sloppy and wine drunk on one of the team's movie nights. "They probably won't make a scene and you won't feel as guilty because at least you gave them a good meal."

He gave Neil a slow once over. "You're not dressed for that."

"I brought appropriate clothes," said Neil. "Where do you keep your iron?"

Andrew pointed to his linen closet. "When's the reservation?"

"Seven-thirty," said Neil. "I was getting worried you wouldn't show up. I know you practice until four on Fridays; I expected you earlier."

Andrew ignored the implied question, answering only with a grunt before heading into his bedroom to change. He could have refused to go with Neil, but he liked the idea of making Neil buy him an expensive dinner. Plus, he'd been sticking to his team-mandated diet lately and he was due a cheat day.

Once alone in his room he steeled himself. He let himself remember what it was like to not feel anything. Even then, Neil had gotten past his defenses but this time he wouldn't let him. He was going to be as blank and unfeeling as he'd ever been.

"You look nice," said Neil when Andrew exited his room, all dressed and ready.

So did Neil, in his freshly ironed suit. It was one that Andrew had never seen before. It was a stylish cut and his shirt was a colour that brought out the blue in his eyes and matched his tie perfectly. There was an almost negative chance that Neil had bought it himself.

"New suit?" Andrew asked.

"I got it for the winter banquet," said Neil, self-consciously looking down at himself. "Robin and Julie picked it out - after consultations with Allison of course."

"How was the banquet?" asked Andrew. Neil hadn't said anything about it when it had happened and Andrew hadn't asked. He'd been annoyed with himself for wishing he was at a terrible college banquet that he'd never enjoyed.

"Strange without you," said Neil. "A lot more people tried to flirt with me since your resting murder face wasn't scaring them away."

Andrew raised an eyebrow. Neil was usually not great at discerning when people were interested in him. The life he had lead meant he was better at noticing when they were hostile. "You noticed their flirting?" he asked.

"Robin pointed it out," said Neil. "And some of them were very, very obvious."

Andrew wondered if Neil had enjoyed it, whether one of those people were lining up to take Andrew's place. He ruthlessly quashed the thought. He reminded himself that he didn't care.

The drive to the restaurant was spent in silence. Andrew couldn't remember a time when silence with Neil had been awkward instead of restful.

They were seated right away and Andrew ordered a double whisky neat as soon as he sat.

"I thought… wine?" said Neil.

"No," said Andrew. Wine was for dates. This was not a date.

Neil attempted to chat while they waited for their food but Andrew brutally shut him down every time he tried. He assumed that the actual break up wouldn't occur until after dessert and he had no intention of making Neil's evening comfortable before that.

It was probably the worst evening they'd ever spent out together, if he didn't count their first trip to Eden's Twilight when he'd thought Neil was a mole for the Ravens and had forcibly drugged him. Although, based on Neil's expression, he wasn't far away from bribing a member of the serving staff to put him out of his misery by knocking him out.

Finally dessert arrived. Andrew hadn't ordered anything, but a big chocolatey, heart-shaped concoction was placed in front of him with a flourish by the server. She smiled in anticipation.

Andrew looked down at it, and then across at Neil. "I can't eat this," he said. "My team diet doesn't allow it."

"Oh," faltered Neil. "But I thought… nevermind," he said, deflating. "Take it away," he continued to the server, who was now giving Andrew the stink eye. "And bring the cheque?"

This was it, Andrew thought. This was when Neil told him that he was tired of him.

Instead, Neil shrugged sadly. "Happy Valentine's Day, I guess," he said.

Andrew's mind halted for a second at the unexpected words. There were several things wrong with that statement, not least that it wasn't Valentine's Day. They didn't celebrate things like Valentine's Day or anniversaries. Hell, they didn't even _have_ an anniversary (although if Andrew was being honest he'd always considered February 2nd to be their anniversary: not the first time he'd kissed Neil on the day he'd bought his car, but a couple weeks later when he'd pressed Neil into the floor next to the beanbag chairs in his dorm room and kissed him with purpose).

"It's February 18th," he said instead.

"I couldn't very well come on Monday, could I?" said Neil testily. “I had class.”

"Why did you come at all?" asked Andrew, not realizing how that sounded until Neil's face shuttered and turned away from him. "I meant—" he started to correct himself, but he was cut off by the arrival of the server. Neil paid without once looking in Andrew's direction.

"Let's just go home," said Neil. He moved to get up before pausing. "Unless you'd like me to leave?"

"Stay," said Andrew, feeling slightly off-balance. He was beginning to suspect that he may have been wrong about Neil's intentions.

The drive back to his apartment was also quiet, but this time it was thoughtful on Andrew's part.

Neil disappeared into the washroom with his duffel as soon as they arrived. Andrew slowly changed into the clothes he normally wore to sleep. He emerged from his room to find Neil sitting by the window, his knees pulled up to his chest and stuffed under the hoodie he was wearing. It was one of Andrew's favourites (that had been missing since Christmas); he'd stolen it from either Nicky or Kevin, he couldn't remember which, but it was big and soft and warm. The sleeves were long enough that Neil had sweater paws. He'd pulled the hood over his head and was resting his cheek on top of his knees. He looked tired and defeated and very, very young.

Andrew approached and rested one hand on the back of Neil's neck, wordlessly asking him to speak. It struck him as contradictory that they could still communicate so well without words when their spoken communications were failing so drastically.

"I came to fix things, but I think I made them worse," said Neil. "I knew a big romantic Valentine's date was a stupid idea, I _told_ Matt that it wasn't our style, but I didn't have any other ideas for how to make you want me again."

Andrew felt as if he'd been sucker-punched. "You think I don't want you?" he said roughly.

"I know you're moving forward with your life, and I've tried to bother you less and to be less reliant on you. Betsy says—"

"You're talking to Bee?" Andrew interrupted.

"Yeah, Coach made me," said Neil, looking up at Andrew a little sheepishly. "He made it a mandatory condition to keep playing."

"When was this? And why?" It hurt sharply that Neil had been keeping things from him; it stung even more that he hadn't noticed.

"Last summer," admitted Neil. "After you left, I… wasn't in great shape at first. He said I had to go to her so that I wouldn't hurt myself." Andrew's hand tightened around the back of Neil's neck. "Not like you're thinking," said Neil quickly. "Just over-exercising and running too much. He said I was due an injury."

That sounded like Neil. Andrew should have suspected something like that would happen.

"Bee helps? You talk to her?"

"I didn't at first." Neil's expression was mulish. "But she's actually been helpful. Don't be smug."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to be a burden. It's not fair that I'm always the one leaning on you for support."

"Don't hide things from me," Andrew said, realizing that he was being hypocritical. "I want you to come to me for support. I…" He took a deep breath. He hated making himself vulnerable, but he'd trusted Neil with his vulnerabilities before and Neil had never taken advantage. "I miss you. I'm lonely here and I miss you to a degree that is embarrassing to admit."

Neil blinked up at him. "You never call me," he accused.

"At first, I didn't need to. When you started calling less I figured you were busy or you didn't want to talk to me." He swallowed and echoed Neil's earlier words, "I didn't want to be a burden."

Neil closed his eyes as if in pain and rested his forehead on his knees. "You know," he said, muffled, "everyone said that long distance relationships are hard. Nicky, Matt, Dan… they all warned me that communication was key. I figured we wouldn't have a problem; we've always been able to understand each other." He looked back up at Andrew. "Your silences are a lot harder to read over the phone."

"We'll do better," said Andrew. There wasn't another option. He made sure to phrase it like a fact, knowing that Neil would relax in the face of his certainty.

Sure enough, some of the tension left Neil's shoulders. "You still want me?" he asked.

"I've put up with you this long," said Andrew. He squeezed Neil's neck lightly, knowing that Neil would correctly interpret his words as, _Yes, obviously_.

"Then why have you been so pissy ever since I got here?" asked Neil. "Bad day?"

"No, I—" Andrew huffed. It felt stupid now to admit what he'd believed. "I thought you were here to break up with me."

Neil's brow furrowed as he replayed their evening. "And you were, what, throwing a tantrum?"

"I was pretending to be unaffected."

"Like hell you were. You were throwing a passive aggressive tantrum like an emo teenager."

"No I wasn't."

"Like a toddler petulantly giving someone the silent treatment because he'd had his favourite toy taken away from him," continued Neil, grinning. It was the first genuine smile Andrew had seen on his face in months. He tipped Neil's head back and kissed the smile from his mouth.

When he pulled back, Neil's eyes were dark with desire. He ran his thumbs along the dark circles under Neil's eyes.

"Have you been sleeping?" he asked.

"Have you?" countered Neil.

Andrew shook his head. "Come to bed."

Neil stood and hesitated. "We'll be okay?" he asked.

Andrew took his hand and led him to his bedroom. "Yes," he said with surety.

**Author's Note:**

> I can be found on tumblr [@gluupor](http://gluupor.tumblr.com).


End file.
